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We’ve toiled and sacrificed, encountered failures and successes, and now we’re beginning to reap the rewards of all our hard work.

And now we have kids too!

Having kids means that they are coming along for the ride. They will enjoy all the benefits of our success, without having lived through the steps and struggles that it took to get here.

So the question is:

How do we enjoy the financial rewards that we’ve worked so hard for, without unintentionally spoiling our kids? How do we impart the knowledge that money truly doesn’t grow on trees? And more importantly, how do we raise them to understand that even in the absence of money, we could have found happiness and contentment all the same?

I’m a father of two beautiful children, and these are questions that I’ve wrestled with myself.

While I’m not the end-all expert (yet), here are a few things I’ve learned from experience and from others.

The Work-Reward Connection

You might have guessed the first subject I’m going to address: household chores!

When children are very young, you may find it difficult to walk through any store without having ten or more requests to buy just as many toys. Whatever their eyes land on, they forget about the last toy they wanted, and they say they now want this one!

It’s easy for me to say no; maybe it’s in my nature. But I found myself feeling like I said no too often. In other cases, someone might find that too often they say yes!

The solution that my wife and I implemented to solve this is a reward chart. This works for younger children, particularly elementary school and below.

The beauty of this method is that our children know that when they ask for something in the store, it can either go on a birthday list, a Christmas list, or the reward chart list. Then, we avoid saying “no” every time, because it’s simply a potential “yes” in the near future.

The reward chart is simple. We list 5-10 chores, or even simple actions like finishing their vegetables, that earns a star. For our kids who are under 5 years old, these are usually simple actions that can be done in five minutes or less. We set the number of stars that they’re going for, and we try to make it possible to achieve within about two weeks’ time.

Once all the stars are earned, we give them the choice (within reason) of what they want their reward to be. It can be a new toy, a family outing, or something else of their choosing.

While this doesn’t involve the physical exchange of money from parent to child directly, it teaches the same principal that responsible behavior is rewarded with good things. And it teaches that things don’t just land in our laps without taking prior responsibility.

Three Piggy Banks

I’ve learned this principle from both Dave Ramsey and Ron Lieber.

When the kids outgrow the reward chart and start asking for cold hard cash, define the jobs around the house that can be done and how much each job will earn.

Then encourage them to start three piggy banks, or money jars, labeled Spend, Save and Give.

While you can let them define their own methods (it’s important to give them autonomy), I would suggest encouraging them to use the following percentages:

• Spend: 75%-85%
• Save: 10-15%
• Give: 5-10%

To further encourage the Save and Give buckets, you might try this. Have them write down one or two big-purchase items or events they are dreaming of, and put it next to the Save jar. They could even include a picture, similar to a dream board. Additionally, have them define what causes they care about and write it, or place a picture of it, next to the Give jar.

This teaches even further responsibility beyond just earning the money. It teaches prudence, patience, charity, and sacrifice.

Note: Don’t forget that inflation has devalued the dollar since you were a kid, so be sure to give your kids a reasonable wage for the chores done!

Wide Autonomy With Spending Habits

Once they’ve earned the money, consider allowing them a wide range of autonomy on how to spend it. That means they’re probably going to make some mistakes. They’ll make a spontaneous purchase of something they either regret or forget about so quickly they might as well regret it.

Maybe they decide to pull from their savings for a spontaneous purchase, or even from their giving jar, and now they have to wrestle with their conscience of whether that was the right thing to do.

You can encourage them, ask them open-ended questions to get them thinking, but in the end let it be their choice.

If there is a goal for their savings which is out of reach by standards of what you’re paying them, agree to a sort of matching program. If they’re saving for a car, agree that you’ll match their savings 1-for-1, or even 2-for-1. Depending on their pay, their time horizon, and the price of the goal, you can agree to this matching program that helps motivate them to keep saving.

Of course, you can set limitations from the beginning of what absolutely cannot be purchased. But let the boundaries be clear and few, so that they can learn the value of responsible decision-making.

Pursue Success as a Team Effort

Money can be a subject that is loaded with high emotions. For example, just the word “budget” can evoke feelings of smallness, limitations and ineptitude. But it doesn’t have to be that way; in fact, it shouldn’t be!

When money isn’t taboo to discuss, it can actually be a fun and inspiring subject.

Regardless of who is the main bread winner for the family, everyone in the household has an important part to play in the family finances. And they should be told just how important their part is.

I’m a huge fan of the weekly family meeting. It can be a fun way to encourage conversation on deep topics, offering a safe place to share concerns, ask for help and discuss dreams for the future.

Regardless of your financial situation, let your kids know what your current goals are, and the challenges that will need to be overcome to get there. While one or more family members are the income earners, all of them have the responsibility of economically steering their “ship” toward the goal.

Open it up to the kids to also define their goals. Don’t let it degrade into a one-person lecture. Determine what that goal achievement looks like for everyone, and foster conversation to develop a plan to get there. Empower them so they can feel that sense of achievement and responsibility which is such an important motivator to success and happiness in life.

You all are creating one little kingdom which can leave a legacy for generations to come. Bring everyone on board with a united vision and purpose!

Read Good Books (And Poetry)

I might be a little biased here. I’m an avid reader. I love books on almost every major subject. And I like both fiction and nonfiction.

The reason I think books are important is because a good book will take the reader on an internal journey into the heart of what it means to be human. It will cause the reader to live a life within their mind which they otherwise would never have lived. It creates emotional experience in the mind without actually having to live out the challenging circumstances to get there. It paves a blueprint for how to navigate trials and grow as a person.

To some extent, the reader will have new experience simply through engaging their mind in the mind of the characters.

As Joseph Conrad so elegantly discusses in his book The Hero With A Thousand Faces, you can trace elements of the monomyth throughout almost every story. There are features common to each. But in it’s simplest form, story takes the reader on this journey:

• Departure from their average everyday reality
• Initiation into a new level of thinking through a series of trials which forces them to go through a personal death of self and transformed resurrection
• Return to the normal everyday world with a new and beneficial power to share with others

I think story is a powerful way to focus values on the invisible aspects of life which are far more valuable than money.

As the master has so wisely said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt. 6:21).

Poetry, like story, can also have a powerful effect upon the mind to awaken one’s senses to the harmony, beauty and paradise around and within us.

Family meetings can be a place where story or poetry is read, discussed and encouraged. You could even use book studies as one part of the family meeting’s structure.

Model Empathy

When the opportunity presents itself, try to paint a picture of what it might be like to be in another person’s shoes.

For example, maybe another kid is acting out, whining or being cruel to others. It’s important to discuss with your child why this behavior is wrong, pointing out the consequences both socially and personally for that child, but it’s also important to let our kids know that there is a reason they are that way. And it’s a sad reason. Something in their life has probably been neglected, and they’re suffering from a lack of something which they desperately need.

If we were in a similar situation, who knows how we might deal with such difficulties. While this helps produce humility and empathy (and hopefully avoid derogatory comments or gossip), it also helps develop emotional intelligence that can be used in the future to deal with difficult people and even offer help and encouragement.

Spend Time In Nature

Nature is the Creator’s gift to us. We didn’t buy it, and we didn’t earn it. The Psalmist wrote, “The earth He has given to the children of man” (Ps. 115:16). It’s our reminder: the greatest part of what we have has been simply a free gift!

Spending time in nature, whether that’s by hiking, camping, boating, or simply playing outside, reminds us experientially that the best things in life aren’t bought. They’re simply received. The best things in life are a free gift.

Nature journaling is something which can be a fun practice alongside this. This consists largely of making observations about the things around you in nature and putting them into written form. It develops observation and appreciation for things so often overlooked. And it’s only one step away from outright poetry.

A few books that helped magnify my appreciation for nature were books such as Centuries of Meditations by Thomas Traherne, Walden by Henry David Thoreau, and even The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.

Practice Thankfulness

Displaying thankfulness in front of your kids is a way to impart the virtue of counting our blessings.

Whether that’s by saying a prayer before the evening meal or simply listing one thing you’re each thankful for at the end of the day, taking just a few minutes to express recognition and appreciation for all that you have is a simple and powerful way to keep a fresh and healthy perspective.

Conclusion

I’m still learning these principles!

But I hope these ideas help get your wheels turning for ways in which you can raise responsible, grateful and charitable children.

With a little bit of intentionality, you can enjoy the rewards of your life’s work along with your kids without needing to worry about creating false illusions about money, its importance and its availability.

Consider the words of Henry David Thoreau in his book Walden: “A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone.”

In other words, we are all the richer for not allowing material things to be our life’s primary pursuit. Our happiness does not depend on having nicer things. The rich and famous know this all too well.

If we can impart this great secret to our children, we will raise a generation which, by its very nature, increases wealth, influence and well-being simply by understanding the true priorities of life.